My Beautiful Chaos.

I started this blog, and Instagram account back in April, 2020. It has always been something I think I would enjoy doing. Writing, sharing my photography skills and all of my “wisdom”. HAHAHAHAHA.  Maybe wisdom is not the appropriate word here. More like sharing my personal experiences with others with the hope to encourage, make someone laugh, or just to let another young mom know that life is not an Instagram reel and everyone is also losing their shit  little bit, and that is okay. 

This week I was talking with a family member and she was expressing how much anxiety she was experiencing from her life not looking like others around her. . . this broke my heart. Without many details she has been experiencing something I think even older adults still experience time to time. Comparisons. I was trying to explain to her that I understood what she was going through and she was so confused. She looked at me and told me that my life was so put together. And I had the husband, and house, and child, and dog, and cute things, and how could I possibly understand. . . 

Well, because it has taken me almost 30 years to stop comparing my life, my clothes, my family, my home, my job, and my journey to anyone else’s journey. My story is just that. Mine. It may have similarities to my sisters. It may have some things in common with my friend’s. But it’s mine. And I only get one of these, so I am not going to waste it away worrying about if it looks as good on the outside to others as it is on the inside. 

When I started this blog I knew I wanted to share the photos of the tantrums, the mess, the chaos, the 10pm start of my work day with a glass of wine. Because that is real life. So real that I just had to take a 20 minute break writing this because Zoe had been sitting with me while I wrote and peed through her diaper onto my legs and we needed a bath. *Yeah…I couldn’t have planned that if I tried* 

I almost never get up before my daughter. She is an early riser and I am often trying to figure out where down the genetic line that came into play and try to squish it. I am a night owl. I always have been. I can appreciate those early morning sunrises with fresh coffee in hand and do a bible study, or just sit still listening to nature. . . I can. But rarely do I see those. 

I don’t have a perfectly curated home with all of the cute decorations, and perfectly sorted toddler learning toys. I do have areas of my home that have been decorated and are cute, but nothing like what you see on your Pinterest board or an influencer’s custom built home. Let me be clear here. I am not in any way throwing shade on someone else’s homes, taste, accessories, or blessings they have been showered with. What I am saying here is we need to verbally and mentally STOP comparing your life to someone else’s. It only steals your joy or makes you prideful. Neither of which are good. 

We have younger girls watching every single thing we do. What we say. How we treat others. How we are thankful for where we are in life and not wishing it away. 

That was never made more clear to me than this week when I really was struggling through one of the hardest mental weeks I have had since March, and let me just paint a picture for you. We had 3 nights of no one sleeping. Michael worked about 2 weeks worth of work in 1. We had Zoe hourly tantrums for three days. She choked on one of those cute learning toys and I had to give her the Heimlich Maneuver. Then the one day I went to work to shoot, she went with me and ended up getting car sick in the car and barfed….EVERYWHERE. We had a bad week. 

I don’t have it all together. I don’t know what my personal story looks like past this daily chapter I am on. 

Looking back at last week I can laugh now. It was a rough week. But it ended beautifully. Friday Zoe’s tantrums let up and she was loving and snuggly all day. We all slept Thursday night and woke up different, friendly humans the next morning. (Damn did we all need that sleep) It was calmer this weekend. We built legos, slept in, we played dress up with Zo, and had a date night. It was good. 

It can be easy to look at life right now and only see the bad. It is easy to see that you are not where you want to end up instead of looking at how far you have come. It can be easier to wish for your kid to just get to the next stage, instead of embracing this time with her young. It is easy to do, and I know we have all done it. It can be easier to compare your story to someone else’s instead of loving that you are on your own journey, different from any other human on the planet. This life is not always easy, but oh it is beautiful. Even on the hardest days there is still beauty there. Look for that in your life or help someone you know look for that beauty in their own life. 

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